Tuesday, August 23, 2016

thrown to the wolves, again!

Hmm, put that way, i don't feel so bad. Been there, done that, and survived. What i mean is i'm homeless once more. Having moved a couple hundred times in my life, i shouldn't find it so difficult. Ah, but choices are miserable. I'll have to ground myself, ie. Psychically, so to speak, before i can lift a foot. True, i had been speculating about leaving my little cottage. haha, the ax fell. the area taken over by the city. the planning commission loves wielding power and charging for permits, blood-suckers, i say. built in 1984 in the county without permission, thirty-two years later it doesn't qualify as a living space.

an act of fate? another message from the gods to move on? if only they could put themselves in my shoes! fat chance. okay, once fire season over, where do i put my stuff? most of it can go. except i checked out the 24 boxes under my bed. yes, all pictures, manuscripts, and diaries, 40 years of work. i'd already cut that cache in half. like most writers and artists, i suspect i've donated it all to the trash. okay, i just read, "most of us unhappy thinking about what we've accomplished instead of what we've enjoyed." I can relate to that. True, i wanted fame and fortune as a writer, especially as a playwright. Little did i realize the competition!

Ah, but the poetry. I still enjoy it myself. And it led me into trips and love-affairs around the world. Those often seemed more painful and lonely and more disappointing than not. Yet  i do remembert certain slants of light, even on shabby beaches, and bodies which i recall with great pleasure. The idea i had to have all kinds of experiences to write about the carrot taking me through the jungles of russia, europe, japan, can i disavow that now? even as sordid as they might have been, they've given me memories i can carry in the suitcase of my brain. "everyone wants to be appreciated." o hell, what does it matter now? i'm being forced to live in the present. Alas, the moment never very satisfying. Only imagination can give it the grace it needs.

Yes, i am stirring the soup. I keep thinking i'd like summer in winter. I can't afford a playa in southern california, mexico riddled with headless bodies, morrocco feels beyond the pale, too close to grinning terrorists. What does that leave? South and central america. Poverty. Indonesia. Claustrophobia. And what am i actually considering? A place where i had a terrible time before: australia. So, that was 32 years ago. All news says it's changed for the better. What about a train-trip around the perimeter. the people fun, even if strangely down beat. Of course, i was in a terrible mood myself.

Anything else interesting? I could by an rv and travel to florida, the only state i've never been in. It has beaches. One israeli friend said, "when i hit miami i felt i'd come home." True, he's attracted to the underbelly of life, the violent and crooked, not exactly my cup of tea. I could buy a trailer and stay in town, find a place to caretake. I'm reluctant to decide anything too soon. A time of terror is also a time of opportunity. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

can racism take us back to our glorious past?






woe is me! i've been sucked into looking at all the awful stuff in the world: takeovers in Turkey, shootings in chicago, nasty political speeches. what's so different about this? mainly, i've avoided the news most of my life. i realized: most of it is speculation about what might happen and it's a collection of disasters around the world collected for the breakfast table, events i can do nothing about.

yes, most of the images and reports simply make me feel helpless and depressed. at seventeen i stopped watching television, thinking 'there are better things to do.' for that insight i'm thankful to reason and personal stability. yet, i did often glance at headlines, looking for what would affect me and the economy. would i be drafted (six years in the coast guard reserve)? could the terrorists unwisely start events in small towns. what if they started lighting forest-fires (it's only a matter of time)?

it's so hard to pick and choose. in high school they pounded into us the need to keep up with current events, a staple of democracy. they did not help us choose between the chaff and the wheat, and once i grab the tiger's tale, i'm drawn into the monsters of the lost lagoon. take a little bit of arsenic and my whole system goes numb.

why am i so distressed at present? the general election for president of the united states. i've got a wacko, nazi candidate who's a darling of the press, pulling in millions of viewers and fooling many. is this the end of democracy in america? will he push the nuclear button if in office? his party members think they can control him. alas, he does have the knack of arousing passions in a crowd. and many articles describe his tactics, supporters, the rabid incendiary racism, and nothing seems to stick. 

here's a very interesting analysis of this followers: A neuroscientist explains what may be wrong with Trump supporters’ brains

iit is rather scary reading, not for the faint-hearted. the author ultimately reveals nothing nothing can be done about them, they don't realize they are ignorant and the contagion of the carrier very entertaining. he has one ability: he can rouse and entertain a crowd by making outrageous statements.




okay, i'm hoping enough people have common sense, though this situation a much bigger gamble than it should be. how stupid can a democracy be to risk everything on the throw of the dice? 

can racism take us back to our glorious past?





woe is me! i've been sucked into looking at all the awful stuff in the world: takeovers in Turkey, shootings in chicago, nasty political speeches. what's so different about this? mainly, i've avoided the news most of my life. i realized: most of it is speculation about what might happen and it's a collection of disasters around the world collected for the breakfast table, events i can do nothing about.


yes, most of the images and reports simply make me feel helpless and depressed. at seventeen i stopped watching television, thinking 'there are better things to do.' for that insight i'm thankful to reason and personal stability. yet, i did often glance at headlines, looking for what would affect me and the economy. would i be drafted (six years in the coast guard reserve)? could the terrorists unwisely start events in small towns. what if they started lighting forest-fires (it's only a matter of time)?

it's so hard to pick and choose. in high school they pounded into us the need to keep up with current events, a staple of democracy. they did not help us choose between the chaff and the wheat, and once i grab the tiger's tale, i'm drawn into the monsters of the lost lagoon. take a little bit of arsenic and my whole system goes numb.

why am i so distressed at present? the general election for president of the united states. i've got a wacko, nazi candidate who's a darling of the press, pulling in millions of viewers and fooling many. is this the end of democracy in america? will he push the nuclear button if in office? his party members think they can control him. alas, he does have the knack of arousing passions in a crowd. and many articles describe his tactics, supporters, the rabid incendiary racism, and nothing seems to stick. 

here's a very interesting analysis of this followers: A neuroscientist explains what may be wrong with Trump supporters’ brains

iit is rather scary reading, not for the faint-hearted. the author ultimately reveals nothing nothing can be done about them, they don't realize they are ignorant and the contagion of the carrier very entertaining. he has one ability: he can rouse and entertain a crowd by making outrageous statements.



okay, i'm hoping enough people have common sense, though this situation a much bigger gamble than it should be. how stupid can a democracy be to risk everything on the throw of the dice? 

can racism take us back to our glorious past?





woe is me! i've been sucked into looking at all the awful stuff in the world: takeovers in Turkey, shootings in chicago, nasty political speeches. what's so different about this? mainly, i've avoided the news most of my life. i realized: most of it is speculation about what might happen and it's a collection of disasters around the world collected for the breakfast table, events i can do nothing about.


yes, most of the images and reports simply make me feel helpless and depressed. at seventeen i stopped watching television, thinking 'there are better things to do.' for that insight i'm thankful to reason and personal stability. yet, i did often glance at headlines, looking for what would affect me and the economy. would i be drafted (six years in the coast guard reserve)? could the terrorists unwisely start events in small towns. what if they started lighting forest-fires (it's only a matter of time)?

it's so hard to pick and choose. in high school they pounded into us the need to keep up with current events, a staple of democracy. they did not help us choose between the chaff and the wheat, and once i grab the tiger's tale, i'm drawn into the monsters of the lost lagoon. take a little bit of arsenic and my whole system goes numb.

why am i so distressed at present? the general election for president of the united states. i've got a wacko, nazi candidate who's a darling of the press, pulling in millions of viewers and fooling many. is this the end of democracy in america? will he push the nuclear button if in office? his party members think they can control him. alas, he does have the knack of arousing passions in a crowd. and many articles describe his tactics, supporters, the rabid incendiary racism, and nothing seems to stick. 

here's a very interesting analysis of this followers: A neuroscientist explains what may be wrong with Trump supporters’ brains

iit is rather scary reading, not for the faint-hearted. the author ultimately reveals nothing nothing can be done about them, they don't realize they are ignorant and the contagion of the carrier very entertaining. he has one ability: he can rouse and entertain a crowd by making outrageous statements.



okay, i'm hoping enough people have common sense, though this situation a much bigger gamble than it should be. how stupid can a democracy be to risk everything on the throw of the dice? 

Monday, July 18, 2016

how are lies beautiful?




maybe emerson has solved the mystery of politics for me. i've been unable to understand the constant lies in this election year. for some reason it seems like a disaster, especially when i remember my own encounter with lying. how old i was i don't know. probably old enough to know better, since i realized lying became a delight, lying even when i didn't have to. there, the black hole, the whirlpool of edgar allen poe. 

or maybe  the rabbit hole of alice, the mind lost to dreams, which seem more and more real. here's a quote by an author who ghost-wrote a book for a present presidential candidate:

Schwartz says of ...., “He lied strategically. He had a complete lack of conscience about it.” Since most people are “constrained by the truth,” .....'s indifference to it “gave him a strange advantage.”

that last phrase caught my attention. how could lying be an advantage when everybody knows you're lying?  what a conundrum! maybe it's part of being a performer, we take the lies as merely stories created to entertain us, and it's the entertainment value that triumphs. if the politician can convince the audience he's really a  stand-up comic, perhaps he can fool the nation. 

and when he's called on his untruths, he merely sets up a spin: 

More than anyone else I have ever met, .... has the ability to convince himself that whatever he is saying at any given moment is true, or sort of true, or at least ought to be true.” 

and so the secret seems to be, being ignorant enough to not know what the truth is. in other words, if i don't know the world is round, i can say, with a straight face, the world is flat. i can say the sun revolves around the earth and the moon is made of green cheese. people listening might say to themselves, "he 's just joking, he doesn't mean every latino is a rapist and should be deported. he's just making fun."

and there i have it, the secret to the successful politician. of course, should such a person be elected, the community suffers from his lack of knowledge, his thin skin, and very short attention span, one of the ways he remains ignorant. if i don't listen to anybody, how can i be wrong? i know this is counter-intuitive, yet it seems to be true. 

not to be totally bleak, and to give a ray of hope, i consulted the library, and here's a useful tome. unfortunately, the victim of himself must somehow gain a shred of humility. in the political example i've given that seems extremely unlikely:





Sunday, June 19, 2016

hypnosis: the key to love and politics





and, damn, i keep forgetting this. my life a series of trance states, some of which i cause, others created by outside forces. a common example for anyone who's driven a car any distance. me, i go off into the ozone, not aware of where i am, only the conversation in my head. two hundred miles later, i wake up and wonder how i got here.

a therapist could be called a 'trance-breaker', disrupting the normal circle of my thoughts, those which, in this case, make me depressed. he/she creates a new dialogue, leading me up a different garden path. self-hynosis accounts for most of my states of being, trances into which i put myself by repeating a text i've fallen victim to. theoretically, meditation could pull me out of this, just as the counselor does.

or art. i need art to keep me back from the abyss, to save me from the overwhelming stimulae thrown at me by billboards, television sets, barkers at fairs, comedians, cartoonists, constantly telling me what to buy and what to think. Hitler said, "If you tell a big lie long enough, people will come to believe it." this is the art of politics. put the audience in a mass trance. a stage hypnotist always amazes me by how easy this is. 

a play or movie works on me until, toward the end, i fall completely into a trance. and if it's positive one, i come out of the theater refreshed. poetry and paintings actually work best for me, under my control at any time. a poem sets up a certain rhythm, and bingo! i escape my own infernal, internal rhythms to experience those of the universe.

more often than not, however, i let my moods slip into oblivion. when that happens, it becomes difficult to take action, action the only cure, even if it's merely taking a walk in the woods or opening a book. and my god, how seductive politics can be. on a hike, especially going uphill, if i start brooding on the politcal situation, i can ascend a mountain without a loss of breath. yes, i am trying to solve the problems of the world. it overcomes smaller things like the need to get home.

and to watch folks at a political rally, where they've fallen under the seductive phrases of a politician, i can see the trance in their eyes. and the better the speaker the more people he/she can hypnotize. luckily , for me, most of the would-be demagogues break the spell as they go, losing ground, having to start the procedure anew. 

alas, this seems so easy to see, yet difficult to escape. i have to shake myself, quote shakespeare, go to a museum. culture saves me from the ills of the world and repetitive formulas of my own mind. if i were an athlete it might be helpful. the greatest of them know how to put themselves in an altered stat of consciousness in order to leap over the bar. laziness, my weakest point. how i hate exercise!

and i haven't even gotten to love, the glow erasing pimples, forgiving crossed-eyes, and taking me to places i really shouldn't be going. no wonder i can't prolong love to the edge of doom. waking up, what the sages and gurus all want from me. yet i fall from one dream into another. yes, trance protects me from reality, even in solitary confinement.