Thursday, January 1, 2009

the wine of life

this is the fourth attempt. three times completed blogs have disappeared. now i feel like crying. it could be the wine. i've taken to drinking a glass in evening. if the french live longer...

but maybe it's merely an excuse to forget, a return to childhood, when someone else was paying the bills. (the true source of all addiction). maybe we never really grow up, even if we become responsible adults, sire offspring, dedicate ourselves to the good.

personally, i feel at five years old we were doing what we wanted to do: building mythical cities, acting out worldly dramas, reading books with beautiful illustrations. if we could only recover that impulse and put it action. maybe we would find god in the closet and invent fire.

truly, i avoid longing and popular songs. timothy leary, as he was fading away, said, 'senility is underrated.' and the ancient chinese believed you were blessed if you had a bad memory.

it makes sense. forgetting hurt, you can love again. forgetting failure, you can act graciously in the present. at the same time, when i listen to the recording of my mother recounting my childhood, i feel relieved. yes, i've lived and had a life. or i feel i've been loved, and that's enough.

i've spent my house-sitting xmas going to museums, living in history and watching life imitate art. you can see the results here:

for the new year i wish you nothing but good luck. that's all we truly need.

love, wayne

it all happens at once

the news is such a drag. all it does is give you disasters you can do nothing about. true, it can be entertaining, but more often it's merely disturbing. and most of it is merely speculation about what might happen!

if you read the headlines only, you know all you need to know: BOMBS DROPPED, BABY TRAPPED, HURRICANE HITS THE COAST. the repetition is absolutely maddening.

and the worst thing, it clogs up your ability to think for yourself. at seventeen i decided you either watch tv or do something with your life. i've watched very little since. movies seem to me more true and always shed a bit of enlightenment. have you ever heard anything from a news commentator worth remembering?

as bob dylan said, more or less, 'vague and useless knowledge.'

i'm being cranky cause i suddenly lost the blog i was writing, mainly, i feel, to the news suddenly invading the living room. and yet it's strange, i once found news comforting. it made me feel i was part of the world. yet, i suppose, i resent it will go on without me.

the lost blog described the blessings of forgetting (a chinese concept). when we forget hurt, we can love again. when we forget childhood when all our bills were paid, we can find a way to enjoy being on our own. and timothy leary sad, as he was fading away, 'senility is underrated.' and a nurse friend said, 'bleeding to death is a very pleasant way to go.' all this reverses the common conception.

why be reminded you once wanted to be a movie-star, an astronaut, president? the dream you have today may be the best one of all. you've learned something from life. maybe if you're a terrible, nasty person hated by your family and friends, you'll become a benine buddha thru alzheimer's? it happened to a friend's aunt.

perhaps this year the best you could do is to forget the past. what do you think?

personally, i've been haunting museums during the holiday season. boy, it feels better to remember someone else's history than my own. wouldn't you rather be recalled as a greek statue, a coutire hat, a zen poet?

my wish for you during the new year is the joy of forgetting. turn off the tv and visit an art exhibit. i guarantee it will be good for your soul and your spirit.

and you'll have a happy new year.