Monday, February 25, 2019

alas, too old to be a ladyboy!






yes, approaching 80 i'm not about to get a sex change. true, at times in the past i wanted to be a girl. i figured they got everything for nothing. they just had to be cute. and the way dads doted on them, giving them all they wanted. as a boy i always had to earn respect. what a drag!

yes, i've always been fascinated by the differences between the sexes. recently, i stumbled across a mess of videos on ladyboys in Thailand, mostly by older western guys (rather shy and not weird) who'd found the loves of their life. i kept watching. when could i tell it was a guy and not a woman? one video even provided a test. could you guess? i wasn't always right. some of the ladyboys simply could not be told from females without close examination. 

then, looking for films in spanish, i gravitated to Almovodar, the filmmaker from spain. he hit it big with 'woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown' and has had lots of hits and misses since. he's gay, mixing up transgenders and straight characters  in all kinds of interesting ways. from here i gravitated to guys on youtube showing how they changed into women. this was absolutely fascinating. 

i'd read 'the female brain' and 'the male brain' by  louann brizendine , mostly about the effects of hormones. and here the boys taking hormone therapy started changing, both physically and mentally, pretty much confirming what i'd read in the two books. without experiencing it myself, i can't be sure it's true. one guy in transition talked about losing his sense of direction and gaining feelings for other people he didn't know he had. 

they became more or less convincing as women, their voices something they did need to work on separately. hips bulged, legs softened, breasts grew. the physical changes real. and where do they go for a complete sex-change operation? Thailand, of course. and it's even more interesting since same-sex  marriage has become legal. true, this is outraging the right wing in politics and adding fury to the fire. 

i've  always felt being an American hinged on matters of identity, and how did you really know who you were, and especially were you male or female? this uncertainly plays a huge role in our society. and remember how the fear of being gay used to haunt every guy? think of the high school jokes and razzing. it's really interesting to see the transition, and these gals on youtube get a lot of criminal comments. 

still, ever since reading The Second Sex in a family psychology class my freshman year in college i've wanted to know the truth. i've always felt woman more powerful than men since they can manipulate them. and in work, now that women have been gaining authority, it's obvious an intelligent woman can do anything man can do. and remember: in old peasant societies the women had muscles like weight-lifters and loggers. 

years ago, i got kissed by an italian gay actor in the middle of a theater class improvisation. unfortunately it was embarrassing and unpleasant. i much preferred the soft lips of a woman. 

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