Friday, July 8, 2011

i like description more than conclusion

maybe this has been my greatest weakness? hah, with so many flaws how can you give one pride of place? okay, okay, just for this morning let me enjoy this particular error.

and as i was saying, i love process more than finale, i'd rather see a dress rehearsal than the full-blown show, then i'm part of the creation. often i prefer a reading of a play to an actual production, left to my own imagination.

here's the beginning and end of a poem by juan ramon jimenez:

Among the clouds the moon is
A shepherdess of silver
Who, through a pathway of stars
Drives her white gleaming flocks.
The moon goes by slowly,
Naked, lovely, in ecstasy
Singing to an unknown earth
Along her highways of dawn.

in between she finds 'smooth-worn cattlepaths' and 'backwaters of eternity'. i'm given nothing but a progress, and i begin dreaming aloud.

that's it, of course, my whole life one long day-dream. i'm the kid who sat in class looking out the window and who found a way to do this for a living for fifty years. if a smoke comes up, it sets off an inner alarm. i leap to the firefinder without knowing it, the microphone in my hand, no fire the last, just a step to the next.

very entertaining, yes, i've been entertained by the whole show, a permanent tourist, a born buddhist, sighing a times for the transitory, yet indulging it as much as i can. this means imperfect creations, faulty poems, off-kilter songs, unproduced dramas. even if i've directed a few, performed a few, the main audience has been myself, hoping a bystander might get a laugh or shed a tear.

a friend, director/choreographer sue pate once pointed this out. she goes for the finished product, usually with beautiful results. 'you like the process too much,' she said. alas, i have to agree. even today i feel what i do in this moment is all that exists, the rest is fantasy and theory. to quote steve hagan, We've formed many a theory and belief, but as we look about the human world, it is clear that nobody actually knows what's going on. i suspect this is the only "conclusion" i will ever come to.

a new set of doodles, crime scenes:

more of matisse look-alikes:

and an endless parade of shadowy androids: