Monday, April 5, 2010

gambling is fun, if you don't win

that's on ebay, i mean. twice this weekend i won what i wanted, but just barely. i calculated what i thought others would bid, then went a bit higher. right both times. poorer, but proud. and ultimately foolish.

consumer therapy (as my mother called it) can send you into a tailspin, downward spiral, to debt, bankruptcy, and the grave. how i've avoided it for so long i don't know.

yes, went on a binge of buying this weekend. first, the new camera. then lenses, a flash, adapters. it all got out of hand. i'm anxiously watching my bank account to see if it all passes, my teeth on edge. the stress of watching the seconds click by and quickly bidding in the last ten, well, i'm a wreck.

of course, i love getting packages in the mail. as a kid i mailed off cereal boxtops and plagued the postman every day, worse than a barking dog. and nothing's changed. i could say, 'amazon is theft,' but i love it. usually i buy books. that's pretty cheap. and when the gifts come, i rip off the packaging like it's christmas.

luckily, it's like alcohol. something in me pushes me above water, i take a deep breath, and go sober for a good long time. that said, everytime i turn on computer or walk down an alcohol aisle, temptation returns. what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, until it kills you.

new photos. a co-housing anniversary celebration:

and a look at the tortured fig tree just a few feet from the front door: