Sunday, February 28, 2010

spring, season of the witch

when i was very young, i used to dream about being captive of beautiful witch. everytime she kissed me, i grew weaker. i'm beginning to think that way about spring.

where i live the allergy/asthma capitol of the world. for twenty years, i'd no problem. then it happened. a couple bouts of bronchitis combined with april, and i came home one day after eating a couple pieces of cheese and suddenly i couldn't breathe. terrified me, to say the least.

exrays, inhalers, visits to half a dozen pharmacies. masks, humidifiers, for three weeks i really thought i could drop dead at any moment. lost twenty pounds.

then, past the walnut blossoms, the mucus stopped. i learned to breathe the right way. (for a month, everytime i'd eat or drink, i'd breathe in, choking myself. i realized we let a breath out after swallowing.)

of course, the throat a family achilles' heel, to mix metaphors. my father often coughed, especially before and after giving sermons. so much for the theory vocal tightness comes from not expressing yourself. hey, come to think of it, maybe he had to force himself to be religious! that's an interesting thought.

supposedly the adam's apple the source of will. when the energy blocked, it falls back into the lungs and inflames them. this too seems possible. all kinds of bad things happen when we don't tell the truth or let our emotions be expressed. guess it doesn't take freud to figure this out.

the asthma attack certainly exacerbated by my mother's death several months before. she'd used sarcasm to control us kids and i think i never could forgive her for it - who was it said all depression comes from not mourning the loss of the mother? julia kristeva in 'black sun', maybe?

for the analytically inclined, a good read.

so i'm trying to get back to normal: no soy, dairy, wheat, and god knows what else. lots of research on the net under phlegm aroused quite a few questions and answers. and robert burton in an 'anatomy of melancholy' (from shakespeare's time) discussed character types - self-help books nothing new - and one the phlegmatic personality. hmm, might be worth reading even today.

did you know soybean oil in almost every supplement? i found out this morning. i've a whole box of them, take them everyday. ugh, reading labels enlightening and disturbing. wow, i'm going to have be more discriminating.

but i don't want to stop everything. damned if you do, damned if you don't. if you look at these photos, you'll see the beauty that poisons us.