Sunday, May 1, 2011

"Fear is the best antidote for ennui."

ah, so that's why halloween 3 and chainsaw massacre do so well at the box office. and many moons ago daniel boorstin in the image said americans literally bored to death.

so, do our wars seem like accidents? forget it. a volunteer armed forces working cause so many young adults can't stand the suburbs and projects. of course, being a drug dealer more thrilling and enterprising. alas, a criminal must pretty much go it alone. in combat buddies watch each other's backs and bond. the u.s.a. has been at war since the beginning. and the civil war relieved the populous of a threatening peace.

you see, in all music keys change places, not to create a new mood (unless major to minor or vice verso), rather our short attention-span sidetracked and revived by it, temporarily. change tricky, of course. almost all violent revolutions ultimately bore the citizens so badly they opt for an even more repressive government. and in our own lives change doesn't suggest itself often. no wonder personalities never improve unless there's brain-damage.

when i walked out of a therapist's office for the first time, i had a weird sensation. i realized it was fear. good gravy, i'd been afraid my whole life and that's what's kept me safe. i simply can't stay in the same place for long - the gods might find me, death might strike - either intellectually or physically. after all, the gods invented humans out of boredom.

what about foreign travel? i always thought i needed to gain experience to be a writer. and think of all the down times, the dirt, grit, bedbugs, almost fatal romances. did i live in a berlin basement to disguise my terror with wartime memories? fear is not only the cure for ennui, it's the medicine for trembling.

you can listen to an account of my time in berlin here: