Friday, September 9, 2011

finding your mate - what's the big secret?

my lovely friend Q. beautiful, smart, hard-working, creative. she's been in two very long relationships. unfortunately, now on her own for several years, she hasn't come up with a new one. match dot com unearthed a lot of wannabes. alas, none struck a match for her. she works at home sixteen hours a day. could that be the problem? of course it is!

one very important circumstance leads to mating: PROPINQUITY. let's face it, most people marry the guy/girl next door. they've learned enough about each other to feel safe, to trust, to fight. (marriage a wrestling match. read pairing by richard bach. he maintains an honest, if angry first encounter essential, illusions about the other quickly shattered before they become a veil of tears.) others discover partners  thru dancehalls, classrooms, work spaces.

you have to be around a lot of the kind of people you like. for example, i've never mated, yet romantic contacts have taken place, most through travel and theater. for example an artist and i made out under the stars next to the youth hostel once the home of mussolini's mistress. that led to a series of encounters with her in hamburg, berlin, and on a greek island . one that didn't go so far, a meeting in a london hostel, a brief love-making around midnight in a half-constructed building, and waiting all night in a burger hut for the hostel to open in the morning. 

theater a tricky business, everybody in a heightened state. no wonder movie stars so caught up. they have to sit around half the day in empty trailers. the stage busier, so people even blinder. i recommend theater classes, less intense, more informal over time. never ever, however, fall in love with the character about which you salivate while they're onstage! what you see, the god or goddess, the highly simplified and eroticized version of the human being they really are. 

again, let me repeat: PROPINQUITY, PROPINQUITY, PROPINQUITY, it's so easy.   go to a lot of weddings and funerals: my mother got her last mate of twenty years waiting for his wife to die of cancer and pouncing. who said love was ethical? as kurt vonnegut remarked, 'could we have a little less love - and more common decency?'

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