Wednesday, December 14, 2011

"the young always underestimate the competition,"

hugh mccloed wrote in ignore everybody: and 39 ways to creativity. this, of course, has it's pluses and minuses. another wag wrote, don't ask if it's impossible until after you do it. just having come from helping review a theater class auditions, i feel melancholy. and other local theater people who helped expressed the same. high hopes dashed by the market. a single mother with no time. and so on.

henry james wrote plays and failed on the stage, despite a very insightful book of reviews. it hurt. and i know the feeling. at some point i realized my number one need: community. and every time i tried to satisfy my desire with drama, i cried once the production ended and the stage immediately dismantled. every body who'd become one goes their separate ways, the profound intimacy scattered to the winds. one auditor who'd tried the lost angels route said, i envy you and am glad i'm not where you're at. 

america as the land of opportunity has a built-in cruelty, promising the presidency to half the population, children, you can do anything and everything if only you try, don't be satisfied with being a senator, a judge, a governor, always a bigger prize in front of you. alas, you may get what you want first-most, but not what you want second-most. i've found this to be all-too-true. we've so much energy, talent, time, focus. and the truth is, almost everyone ends up opting for  a home and family. 

as i said, for me it's community. i like having a doctor and dentist, neighbors, clerks who recognize me, it satisfies my herd instinct, the animal i am, especially having avoided the common doom above. and this fulfilled, i don't have the drive to make theater work for me, much as i may love it, much as i may have learned, to write and direct plays. and i could see in the kids auditioning most didn't have the necessary focus, something else more important, and the path to finding it due to be a rough one. 

even my androids are having second thoughts they too not really sure what they want.