Monday, May 7, 2012

birthdays can become a bad habit

i keep telling myself 80 is the limit! unfortunately, i'm told by oscar wilde, you never feel old. tired maybe, anxious, frail, but never, never next to the grave. yes, another one of these cosmic events passed last saturday. and though i'm doing my best not to see the world as a symbol for myself, i must admit the gorgeous moon made me wonder. 

perhaps i am one of the chosen? no, best not to think that way. let me keep my scientific head about me. true, i've waded through shamanism, jungian psychology, and native-american mythology. for a decade i studied the tarot cards and read them for people. i've meditated in the woods and ate no meat for 32 years. you can't say i haven't paid my dues. yet these days i'm trying to reach into the miracle of physical fact. if my blood travels fifty thousand miles a day, my thoughts can surely travel further.

as a result, this last anniversary of my birth, i celebrated specie's consciousness. for many a moon i've experienced all of us as part of a survival bigger than ourselves, the human community. even as i deliberate in my private cell, i know i'm participating in this urge of human beings to survive as a whole. good gravy, it's never been a secret every organism on the planet depends on the same water, the common air. without these, it's no banana. 

of course, the obvious is the last thing i see. luckily, fifty years of shouting by the far-sighted has finally penetrated even my dense noggin. WE STAND OR FALL TOGETHER. much as i'd like to stay selfish, vote conservative, forget re-cycling, even i can see what's needed. in other words, i have to support open-source technology. i can't support tribal indulgence in secrets. the pool of knowledge needs to be as big and as available as possible.

damn, i'm leaving the world a better place and i had nothing to do with it. i tore open my packaging and threw more in the garbage than i bought. i've driven old air-polluting gas machines. i haven't killed anybody directly. that doesn't mean i haven't had the urge. only a sense of self-preservation and the fear of prison kept me from indulging my wildest fantasies. and still, somehow, a huge number of people on the planet have realized we sink or swim together. any destruction anywhere on earth affects us all.

whew, what a burden to carry. if i weren't so aware of the birthday bad-habit, i would despair for my own consciousness, my own individuality, my smart phone and new shoes. here's hoping these kids can make the best of it.

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT!!! (endangered species faire may 5,, 2012)