Sunday, May 15, 2011

penis envy, or 'the little one that could'

like most hypothetically heterosexual guys, i've been reluctant to tackle this subject. it seems like any study of the male tallywacker would lead to a fascination with naked guys and eventually to midnight meetings in the park and aids. remember: the fear of being thought gay once the number one terror of a healthy american boy. wear green on thursday? never!

unfortunately, this left most of us in the dark (so to speak) on the facts of sex. i don't suppose any body's as ignorant as we were in the old days, when you suddenly discovered by yourself the incredibly pleasant orgasm. and that secret knowledge had to be hid. i doubt if my generation ever recovered from it.

what set me off on the quest of knowledge, a volume of world poetry, an accidental discovery of a poem 'the penis' by a 14th century welsh poet daffyd ap gwilym. by god, he hit it right on the head (so to speak):

By God penis, you must be guarded
with eye and hand
because of this lawsuit, straight-headed pole,
most carefully for evermore;
net-quill of the cunt, because of
complaint a bridle must be put on your snout
to keep you in check so that you are not indicted
again, take heed you despair of minstrels.

a rousing beginning, to say the least. what a perdition puberty leads us to. here's what louann brizendine says in 'the male brain': If testosterone were beer, a nine-year-old boy would get the equivalent of one cup a day. But by age fifteen it would be equal to twogallons a day. get that, guys. no wonder you felt drunk every time your eyes staggered around english class, landing on one burgeoning breast after another.

You are a trouserful of wantonness,
your neck is leather, image of a goose's neckbone;
nature of complete falsity, pod of lewdness,
door-nail which causes a lawsuit and trouble.

yes, it's hard to love a slave-master that flogs you all the time, a second nose by which you are always being led. yes, the most fun and adventure i've had in my life the result of this, and i luckily escaped the consequences. but, whew, looking back on it, the chances i took! were they really worth it? our poet obviously not as fortunate.

Consider that there is a writ and an indictment,
lower your head, stick for planting children.
It is difficult to keep you under control,
cold thrust, woe to you indeed!
Often is your lord rebuked,
obvious is the rottenness through your head.

so much for wales in 1350. some things never change. and i turned to wikepedia, of course, and found thickness gives more pleasure to the ladies than length. good gravy, that makes all kinds of sense. they've been telling us for years to stimulate the clitoris, and that fountain of joy very close to the entrance. looks like this has more to do with men competing with men.

next, after the erotica project being delightfully presented at the blue room theatre for the ladies, i say, let's turn to the penis project, stand up for the little guy! come see my rose photos in the lobby. and i've posted more online: